im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
