y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
