seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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