Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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