you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
