he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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