Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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