Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
