I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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