I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
