i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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