I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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