Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think people are normalizing furries
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
