Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
