Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
