if i can run in heels then i can drive
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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