Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
