She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize