Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
