Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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