May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
