btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need to calm my uterus...
I deserve this hangover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
