i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have post one night stand depression
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