until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
