The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
