Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
