I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
