I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
