Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
