I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
