It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
