Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
