I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
