as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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