This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
