I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize