whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
