i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
