My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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