Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my phone needs a breathalizer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its liver damage thursday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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