im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
