Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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