I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
