he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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