Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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