Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this is an emotional support booty call
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
