i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
