just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
