I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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