I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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