I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
