Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
