He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
