I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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