just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
