you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
