Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
