haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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