so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My balls are so social today.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
