You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
