So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
