I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
did i walk over a car last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
