I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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