giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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