Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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