I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
